Reply to My DH occasionally binge drinks and drives w/ kids in car

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever.  I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived.  We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.    
[/quote]

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered.  But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost.  What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access).  Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children?  How long until I realize that he is drinking again?  And how do I catch him?  Our autistic child is not verbal.  Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.  [/quote]

So is your solution just to say this and say "oh well"  and hope he doesn't kill your kids and someone else?  Because at this point all I hear are excuses and I'm curious what someone has to say in order for you to change your opinion. [/quote]

Excuses for what, exactly?  Do you really believe that if I leave him he will quit drinking?  I don't for a second.  I believe he will likely drink even more.  And have more 'unsupervised' access to our children.  While drunk.  When I am not there.  And I don't even know if or when my children (or yours) are in danger.  I can do NOTHING at that point if I don't know.  At least now, I can do something some of the time.  Like pick up my cold and crying son off the stairs at 3am.  If he had done that on a custody visit?  No one would ever know unless our child required hospitalization or a he let himself outside and the police were called.  Please think about what I am saying.  I'm not saying 'oh, well'.  I'm saying  'oh, fuck' because there is no solution to this problem unless my DH quits drinking forever.  And I can't make him do that.[/quote]

Look, you're getting angry with everyone on this thread because you do not want to accept your role in this problem. I assume you came here for some sympathy, for someone to say, poor OP, that sounds really hard. Well, here you go: THAT SOUNDS REALLY HARD, OP. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your husband has a problem and I know from first hand experience what it's like to watch someone with an alcohol problem deny that they have one and behave in ways that are dangerous and self destructive.

As for what you can do, you can actually request breathalyzers. You could get one of these: http://www.lifesafer.com/devices/fc100-ignition-interlock-with-camera/. You could stop keeping alcohol in the house, and stop leaving the children with him unsupervised, in any capacity, until he admits that his behavior is a problem. If your husband was saying "I am having trouble controlling my drinking" that would be one thing. According to you, that's not what he's saying. He's totally fine with picking your children up after having drinks after work. He doesn't understand how that could be a problem. That, RIGHT THERE, is a problem.[/quote]

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