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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Question for original poster who said her dad was npd. 
when did you as a child or young adult really start to feel impacted by your fathers behavior? When did you start to notice something was not quite right?[/quote]

I am the PP. I noticed the odd things long before I understood any of it. As a young child I could see his charisma at work in groups. Also, we would be doing a family activity and somehow it would be all about him, and he would forget all about everything (such as his kids) except soaking up the adoration. He came to a school event with me, and I ended up in a corner forgotten, observing the other kids and teacher flock around him. That was the sort of thing I noticed.

There were some early incidents where he was displeased that really rose to the level of emotional/verbal abuse, but for the most part as a child I idolized him and was a firm dedicated Member of the Cult. The relationship became intense (clash of wills) and much more negative when I was a teen. Also it was quite neglectful on his part, except that he would show up for public appearances in the role of Dad, and I started to really notice the differences to other families. Also, I became bored with the nightly monologue where he talked and we looked attentive and asked softball, respectful questions, and challenged that.

I started addressing the problems in the relationship (problems from my perspective) in my 20s to no effect except further will clashes and furious temper tantrums/punishments from him. This was about basic decent behavior, such as my effort to make him refrain from verbally abusing me. By that time he also had chronic health issues, which was... complicated. I did not begin to understand the NPD nature or access wealth of knowledge our there until happening upon a book called The Narcissistic Family in early 30s. I'd already spent so much time trying to make it all work, and also experiencing the effects and impacts in trying to live my own life and coming up against deficits. Once I had the right information, it was far easier to make very positive change and progress in my own life. 
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