Reply to help remind me about being patient and understanding with husbands depression

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[quote=Anonymous]Thanks so much 20:47. My husband also has apologized. Its difficult, though, to apologize for something that went on so long and have it have any affect on the person being apologized to. I guess at the heart of some of my anger is this idea that I have that somehow he HAD to have known he had issues and when he did things that were universally understandable as wrong, he should have been able to see the pattern. He swears, as he put it, that " something in (his) brain made him think it was just the situation in the moment".

I have to say, though,  that from what I have been told and have read about depression and ADD,  this tracks. Poor self reporting are part of ADD and part of depression. As one friend with depression put it: its hard to see when you are IN it. You see everything through a negative filter. But having been on the receiving end of the worst treatment by anyone in my life by the very person who supposedly loves me the most, its just, well, it just is so disappointing. I have not had the marriage I wanted. I dont feel sorry for myself, but its what has happened, and I need a moment to really acknowledge that, but not so much that I cant move forward with the rest of my life as well the rest of the marriage.

However, I can safely say its MUCH better to have the acknowledgement than the denial. Its a paradigm shift, or, its what is needed for one to occur. My husband does really love me very much. I do know that. We are each others love of a lifetime. Boy, did I not ever know it would include this awful crap. But, so it has been. Its not been ONLY that, obviously. It has been tough to acknowledge the scope and magnitude of the awfulness. But now that this has been done, and I was able to do so comprehensively and communicate as I did to him, and he received this all in one sort of large dose AND he swallowed it and took it in, its, well, the closest to hopeful Ive been in years.

Ive certainly learned about patience and courage. Now I must learn about patience and courage some more.[/quote]

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