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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm really hurt right now after a pretty big disagreement, and I'd love to get some insights from others on our situation.

[b]A few years ago, DH took followed a dream of his with a new career-- and I'm very glad he did. This new career pays very, very poorly-- not enough to support a family at all.[/b] It has amazing health benefits and offers a 4 days working, 4 days off schedule. There will be steady raises, but nothing really substantial for about 10 years.

He has 4 days off in each rotation, with [b]ample opportunity to take on overtime work [/b]or even seek something extra to do for pay on the side as many of his colleagues do. [b]He's done overtime 3 times in the past few years.[/b] I feel he should do this but [b]he doesn't seem at all motivated [/b]to.

I freelance from home and earn the vast majority of our income.

Unfortunately, we scramble to pay our bills each month. My freelancing income is more substantial than any of my other job prospects (I'm not in DC)-- by most standards, I earn a pretty great income. But it's still a struggle.

For reference, we have one child who is not yet in full day school and one child who is.

The issue:

[b]DH gets angry with me when our bank account runs low.[/b] Yet he rolls his eyes when I tell him I have to go do work, leaving him to take care of our kids on his days off. [b]He says I "only do just enough" to get by and that I'm "running the family into the ground."[/b]

He says he does not feel emasculated that I earn the bulk of the income and does not seem motivated to go the extra mile to help our family stay afloat even on his four days off (when he admittedly is doing the bulk of the childcare on those days). We recently had a very low bank balance so I stayed up very late to ensure we'd have a little padding come morning time, once I handed the extra project in. I am constantly doing things like that out of necessity.

I just don't know what to do. I love DH very much-- he's always been there for me when I need him and he's a great father.

I admit that I resent earning the bulk of the income. I feel like I'm constantly juggling our bills (he does not know what our bills are, has no idea even how to log in to pay these bills-- he leaves all that to me), our kids, and taking on more work than I can handle just to keep us going.

A few months back we had a small windfall of money that allowed us to pay mortgage, etc. without scrambling. I took that time to catch up on some projects that were late-- a common symptom because I have to take on so many of them to earn enough money. This gave me some breathing room, but he is mad that I didn't earn for the few weeks the money helped cover. It's because I had to finish the projects I'd already been paid for. It honestly gave me a much needed break from the constant pressure.

I'm up to my ears in projects to complete for work, tired of the guilt trips, and tired (honestly) of being the main breadwinner.

I'm fine if you all tell me I'm totally wrong. I just don't know how to handle this anymore. Should DH try to earn more on his days off? Should I be blamed for our struggle and try to do more?

I want to work and like what I do. I just want some of the pressure lifted from my shoulders. It's weighing on my mentally and emotionally.[/quote]

I could not live with this.  I, too, am the main breadwinner in our house (DH is a teacher and I'm a lawyer), but this attitude would be my breaking point.  What does your DH do with his free time?

If I were you, OP, I would insist that DH sit down and look at (a) your finances; and (b) your work setup/how you make money.  If he will not do that, bring in a financial planner and have that person do it.[/quote]

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