Reply to My husband has never been on time for a thing in his life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"3. "We need to hire housecleaners" --> "We can't afford it." "

Oh hells no. If you think you can afford it, you probably can. Tell him that you are giving him one more month to step things up chorewise, and if he doesn't do more, you are hiring a housekeeper to come in at least twice a month. You don't need his permissions - you are a grown woman with a job. DO it.[/quote]

It probably will come as no surprise to any of you that DH, who is not great at getting motivated to go anywhere on time and has very little understanding of how long simple tasks actually take, is not particularly great at expense managing. He overspends constantly, does not seem to recognize that that medium coffee ("Not even a latte, just a coffee!") that he gets twice a day, every work day, adds up over the month. If he gave up his Starbucks the way I gave up mine in favor of bringing coffee from home in the morning and making tea in the afternoon, we could afford a cleaner.

The bottom line is that I pretty much understand what is up with him. He's stressed out and depressed and has poor coping skills. I know why all those things are the case, and it's something we have been working on pretty constantly. I know it sounds like I am making excuses for his behavior, but it's honestly pretty hard to live a life with someone when you are constantly needing to hoodwink them to get them to show up on time or structure your life so that they're not involved in it. I try to trust the things that he tells me he will do, because if I just assume that he's untrustworthy and unreliable, that is a pretty shitty feeling. I try to set reasonable limits for myself and make my needs and expectations very clear. It works pretty well about 80% of the time. The 20% of the time when it doesn't work, when we run out of money at the end of the month because he needed to go out to lunch or needed to buy a new this-or-that, when I'm late to work on a day when he swears he'll be ready when I need to go - it's frustrating and it hurts.

Mostly I was just venting here this morning. After DD goes to bed, I plan to talk to him about it and hopefully he will at least recognize that how I felt about what happened this morning is valid, rather than going off about my "tone". (Note: I TOTALLY had a tone. Who wouldn't? But I'm truly working on not having one.)[/quote]

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