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[quote=Anonymous]
OP,

Your problem is with your husband, as you know, not with SS. SS will take many many years to grow up, or might be a lost cause. That should not make you hate him or even resent him. Actually don't think of him in emotional terms at all.

You should persuade DH not to enable his son, with the help of a third party or parties your husband respects and listens to: a therapist, a trusted friend, both probably.  That is the goal, and it's a difficult one. It means setting CONSISTENT boundaries. It means saying: 
"No more money for you unless you sign up for college again and pass all your classes." 
It means not seeing his son who will hide at his mother's. It means resisting the urge to be a doormat just to see his son or hear his voice! 
This will be all the more effective if his mother cannot support him for ever.

I would have ZERO problems implementing these rules with my kids because I know that tough love would benefit my child in the long-term, even with a pushover mother in the background. In a few years, SS will probably realize that being forced to live up to his responsibilities was actually the greatest gift his father could ever give him. It will take some time :-)

I trust you can do this.

There are 2 alternatives.
One is divorce.
The other is to shut your eyes to all this, and focus on raising your own children.

Good luck.
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