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[quote=Anonymous]Kids need rules but they also need to learn how to internalize discipline.  They need to learn how to make their own decisions and exercise good judgment while they are under your roof.  And they need to be able to speak honestly with you about problems along the way.  All of these things will not happen is you are too strict.

I have older teens and I've seen it time and time again.  If kids are inundated with rules, they will eventually break one of them.  And when the sky doesn't fall in on them they will learn that the rules don't matter and that none of them are worth respecting.  Or the sky will fall in on them and they will feel its irrational and that their friends don't have to put up with it and then they will lose buy-in for ALL the rules.  And if you have such strict rules and they run into some kind of trouble or have a problem, you will be the last person they will come to.  At the very least, they will shut you out of their lives as they get older because they will believe you don't get it, don't get their lives, have nothing to offer them.

I want my children to learn how to stop themselves.  I want them to be able to decide that something is wrong or harmful and to put on the breaks.  And the only way to teach them these skills is to gradually give them more freedom to make their own decisions, even if they wear too much make up and slow dance with boys.  If Mom tells them they can't wear make up or go to parties with boys, they won't learn these things.  The best way to approach these things is to get a general sense of what the other parents are doing.  That doesn't mean copying their rules but it does mean trying to synch your basic approach with the parents of your kids' peers.

And those of you who insist that your children do follow all your rules and you know they aren't engaging in bad behavior, jokes on you.  I know from the open communication with my children what your children are doing -- especially the children of the strict parents.  I know, but you don't.[/quote]

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