Reply to Have you ever been cut off by a family member?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've never cut a family member off but have a family history of that happening at the grandparent level---both of my paternal grandparents were estranged from various siblings due to falling outs over property.  I mention the family history only because it means that I grew up with the familial expectation that if you could not be civil to your fellow family members, then don't expect to be invited to Christmas dinner.

Now I think about this issue a lot, as we have a teenager whom we adopted as an older child who has lots of oppositional defiance and anger issues.  While I am doing everything in my power as a parent to get DC needed help in the form of therapy and providing loving consistency---on my darkest days I wonder what I will feel like if DC is still so volatile and difficult as an adult---it's the counterpoint to the toxic mother scenario---what if it is your child that is the toxic one? [/quote]

OP here. My secret fear is that I'm the toxic one and I'm a nutter and I have it all wrong. Ugh. [/quote]

OP, the fact that you are even self-aware enough to ask that is indicative that you are not the nutter.  One of my psychologist friends once said that it wasn't the people with the pathologies that were in her office seeking help, it was the people who loved them.

People who are toxic or crazy or abusive are "crazymakers" - they literally make the others around them feel crazy.  That's what they do.  Some of them even enjoy doing it.

You are fine.  And you are doing what's best for you and your family.  I wish I could hug you.[/quote]

This is soooo true. [/quote]

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