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[quote=Anonymous]OP I'm the "hope that's not a dig at mom" poster. It sounds like you're aware that your DSD has arrived at her current behavioral standards via both her mom and dad. Good awareness on your part, but a shame for the girl....in my experience poorly behaved kids are not happy kids. Above posters have suggested therapists that specialize in blended families. This is excellent advice. I grew up in a blended family and the best thing I can offer is that this is a loooong process you're about to embark on. I sympathize that you're the mom of an infant; you're at the start of your own parenting journey and deserve all the joy that comes with it. But recognize that when you choose to marry into a family with kids that you unfortunately become a part of this complex process of healing the originally fractured family (don't get me wrong, some family situations need to break up or change, but kids still see it as fractured). A few other thoughts:

- You are not DSD's primary disciplinarian. Don't get pressured into this role by DH, either directly or indirectly if he allows bad behavior. If she eats with her hands at the table and he does nothing, you and he are having a talk later. This will be painful. It may become a bigger issue in your marriage that you anticipate.

- Vocalize the importance of DSD's role with her dad. "Hey Larla! Baby Aiden and I are going for a walk so you and your dad get some dad/daughter time. Have fun!", then go. My stepmom said these words out loud frequently and it meant the world, despite the fact that we never got along.

- Don't allow previously established family dynamics to rob you and DH of your joy with your new baby. This is time you won't get back and you both deserve every bit of this new happiness. It will be tough for Larla but baby Aiden has an important place in the family too.

- Don't ever, ever trash DSD's bio mom, even in the slightest. I remember my stepmom's efforts at establishing Dad/daughter time, but I also remember her mocking my mom for making my sister and me beans and rice for lunch one day, as she thought it was "low class". It put the first of many nails in the coffin of our relationship.

Good luck, it's a marathon, not a sprint, as they say. Fwiw, the whole crew (all the parents and their partners) attended each milestone (graduations, childbirth) my sister and I had, so we came through it fine. Best to you guys.[/quote]

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