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[quote=Anonymous]This is what I do:

I ignore anything that is passive-aggressive.  If they cannot be an adult and tell it to my face, it doesn't deserve my time or attention.  This helps me a TON in my in-laws' family b/c they are alllll very afraid of being direct.  It ensures that I don't play their games.  And, if I need to tell them something, I am direct BUT POLITE AND FRIENDLY about it, and no one quite knows what to do about it b/c it's behavior that is rarely seen in their family dynamic.  Since I couple my directness with politeness and friendliness, I think they think I come off smelling like roses, whereas other DIL who marches around in a PS snit a lot of the time (not without good reason, but still) is viewed negatively.  I just don't let THEM drag me down into THEIR type of bad behavior.

For example:

DH:  "Why did you tell my mom that DC couldn't eat cherries!"
ME:  "Because she asked what DC could or couldn't eat.  It is a reasonable response to a reasonable question."
DH: "You know she already knows about the cherries!"
ME:  "Then, she shouldnt' have asked me.  I am not a mind reader. I answer questions asked and I reply to statements spoken out loud.  I do not read hidden subtext."[/quote]

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