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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. She is not local but was planning to come my entire hospital stay and plant in my hospital room. My husband talked with her and I think we have found a happy medium to have her come to see baby in hospital on birth day and day after and then come back two weeks after. I wish she were more of a comfort and a help but she is not. Please understand that I am not overprotective or a nervous Nellie or anti-MIL, nor am I threatened. I would love to have a close relationship and have tried. She is just self-absorbed and unhelpful and we don't connect on any plane. In the 9 plus years I have been her daughter-in-law she has never once been a helpful or supportive presence to my husband or me. Believe me, I am lucky to have a wonderful mother, SIL, and aunt who are local and are lined up to pinch-hit and will relieve me when I need to nap. They will also bring in dinner and will clean up after themselves and can have at baby for snuggles and holding. My MIL, on the other hand, will not do any of this. When I say all she wants to do is hold the baby I mean it literally. I saw her do it a couple short years ago with my SIL, a sweet girl who was in tears in her hospital room because MIL wouldn't leave to let her breastfeed or even when the doctor came in. She has an obsessive need to hold that I have never before seen. It is all she focuses on or talks about. To the PP who asked what else she would say...well...how about I can't wait to see baby, how are you feeling, what can I do to help you before/during/after, isn't this a cute outfit, are you nervous/tired...I could go on and on. [/quote]

It sounds like you're doing the best you can.  Your DH needs to be on board with getting her out of the hospital room after a brief visit. Two weeks post-partum, you'll be much more able to deal with her, but you'll still need your DH (or aunt and SIL) to run interference. If he won't then you'll just need to stand up for yourself.  Now or never!  You'll just need to take the baby back when you want her.

But try not to worry too much about this.  Just be firm about doing what you need to do.  If you are confident in your own ability to have a spine, then you don't need to think about it any more. I had a similarly difficult MIL and I probably worried way too much about what she would do/crazy things she said in the lead up to the birth.  And I was right - she acted exactly like I feared she would, and I ended up basically kicking her out for a few weeks untilI was better able to stand having her around. I wish that I had stuck to my original boundaries (no visits for 2 weeks) but I broke down in my vulnerable post-partum state.  What made it even harder was that I had no other support - so you're lucky that you do!  You're going to be just fine.

I'll also say that now that the months have gone by, things are great with MIL.  The baby is bigger, and she's able to be much more helpful by babysitting.  (And ha, wouldn't you know it, a little less keen on "kidnapping" him like she threatened when I was pg, now that she realizes babies are hard work.) I'm happy to facilitate their relationship too now that everything has settled down. [/quote]

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