Reply to Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ouch.

OK.  I get it.  OP totally lost me the second she started bringing "beauty" into it.  At that point, we've lost the important lesson:  I.e. - be healthy, and moved into some judgmental territory about beauty.

But I think there is a legitimate question buried in here that is worth discussing.

We DO have an obesity epidemic.
We also have a whole lot of girls who equate their self-value with their weight.

What are the right words to use with YOUNG kids (say, 3-7 year old range), that encourage some sense of enpowerment about health and eating choices (because for 95 percent of people who are obese, its a matter of making better choices), and yet not castigating of judging people who either make bad choices, or who really have some medical condition (or bad genes) that are going to make them pear-shaped no matter WHAT they do?

For a long while I avoided the word "fat", because I didn't want my 3-year-old (who had no filter to call someone fat.  But now that he's 7, what do I say?  Obese?  Do I correct him when he accurately says "that person is fat" out of earshot?  I usually say, "yes, that's true, but we would never want that person to hear us saying that.  It's OK to say it to me, but remember that we would,'t say that to someone who was overweight."

Is that the right answer?  I know I struggle to have this conversation in a way that 1) keeps it "real"; 2) encourages some measure of self-responsibility; and 3) is sympathetic to the fact that its not so easy for everyone, and it doesn't change a person's value.

It's easy to jump on the OP's back (she stepped in it), but does anyone want to have the real conversation?[/quote]

When you child is 7 PP, teach him that it is considered poor manners to comment on any person's physical appearance in a social setting; even matter of fact comments like "You have really black skin!" (to an African American) or "You have really white skin (to a caucasian) or "I've never seen skin so white as yours!" to an albino, or "that's a big burn you have on your face" (to a burn victim) or "that spot on your arm looks like a duck (to a person with a birthmark) or "you are pretty fat" (to a fat person) -- that are absolutely the truth -- are rude to say.   We don't avoid speaking these truths in social situations because they are bad things.   We just don't say them At. All.

If you are in a medical field, and are hired to give people advice on their health, then it is appropriate to mention them.   If you are a close personal friend, then it might be a different story.   But to casual acquaintances, we do NOT discuss personal appearance, except in compliments of course, which still should be general.  "You look great" not "Your skin looks shiny white today!"[/quote]

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