Reply to DH doesn't include me in decisions that affect us as a family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I don't think I am being childish.  I drew a boundary -- the very advice some of you have given me.  Divorce is not an option for me.  Leaving him is not an option.  Regretting my decision to marry him and perhaps failing to heed red flags does not help me now.  [/quote]

OP specifically said that they are newlyweds and believe me, OP, it does take time to sort these things out. These people who are saying so high and mightily that you should run for the hills are forgetting that they most likely went through the same type of thing in their own marriages. I think you have a very clear perspective on what's going on. Your DH simply has not crossed into the "we" as family, versus the "family of origin" as family. For some people this is really hard. It may speak to his level of maturity, but it does not mean that he is a bad guy or that you necessarily ignored red flags.

Some things that helped me, 10 years ago:

Put as much physical distance between your family (you and DH) and these relatives as you can. If that sounds harsh or brutal, I'm sorry. I hope they don't live in the same town, because it's much harder to separate when they do. Start considering carefully how much you visit them. Of course you want to be warm and gracious when you are together, but seeing his family should not be a regular part of your social life.

Make sure you've cut your own family cords. You shouldn't be complaining about all of this on the phone to your mother, for example.

Start working to build your life together so that he can put his energies there. Do you have "couple" friends? Do you have a big project, like a house or planning a vacation, that you can work on together? Dream your dreams together and make sure they don't include all of these other people.  Save money together for something big that you both want.[/quote]

I think you missed the part where OP said they ALREADY have a child together.  So even though they're newlyweds, they had the kid beforehand.  If he didn't transition to the "team" mindset with the KID, I don't know if it's going to happen with the marriage.  I think that's what people are pointing out. [/quote]

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