Reply to Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals

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[quote=Anonymous]Poor freshmen year grades aren't the end of the world. Others have been down that road.  I rallied in my sophomore year of high school after a dismal freshmen year. My grades improved markedly over the last three years of high school. I was accepted at Dartmouth, matriculated, and graduated in the top 20% of my class.

I am glad no one assumed I was going to be unsuccessful after the grades I received when I was 14 years old, immature, and quite social most of the time.

My parents, incidentally, said nothing to me about my freshmen year grades. They also never commented on my report cards in general, beyond making sure that I had seen them. My grades were my business all the way through my schooling.

If my parents had tied grades to consequences or rewards, I would have found that demoralizing and patronizing and would have probably not put in any effort. Given my personality, it would have backfired.

By high school, I needed to be trusted with my own life, and when that trust was simply given and assumed, I rose to the occasion. Most of the kids I knew in college (though not all) were highly self-directed and self-motivated. That does not come from being given money for "A" grades, or being punished or scolded for lesser grades.

This same parenting approach worked for my siblings as well, who are very different from me. It is just one approach, and it may not work for OP's kid. It may not work if there are underlying mental, emotional, or cognitive issues for a child, who might need more guidance and intervention. But for NT kids, it is one approach that could be considered.

We followed this approach with our kids, and had similar results. We did not reward them for good grades, or comment unnecessarily on poor grades. We never discussed grades at all in elementary school, or showed them report cards until middle school. Some of them floundered in ninth grade as well, but they had rallied by the end of tenth grade. Over time, they became excited about the world of ideas and scholarship, and began to feel competent in their engagement with that world.

Sometimes, for some kids, a hands-off approach works best. Trust can be a powerful motivator.

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