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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am OP.
I'm not worried about curfew or chores. Thought that I said that already. My worry is the financial burden on my mom. She was a public school librarian in a poor school district and has a very limited retirement income. She refuses any help from us and said she wouldn't take rent for DD (DH and I offered to split the cost with DD who has $1000 HS summer job money saved up toward a post-college car).

DD is not spoiled, but she does lack a sense of the true cost of things (vs. the price tag). She has a full ride to a modest college due to her academic excellence. It includes a small stipend that she uses for the cell phone and for small incidentals. I know that she refers to herself as "poor" because she is a college student and this will be an unpaid internship. She does not see my mom as poor because she owns a home, car, and always slips the grandkids a $20.

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Just talk with your DD. Tell her that yes, grandma has a house/car, but those were all things that she acquired when she was still working and that it's very hard for the elderly when they stop working and have a limited amount of money coming in; yes, they scrimp and save to give their grandkids $20s once in a while but cannot not be doing it weekly. You want DD to realize that just bc grandma offers her money, offers to buy a Starbucks etc. does not mean she should accept more than 1-2 times in the summer bc grandma is probably foregoing something she really needs in order to show her granddaughter a nice summer. It sounds like your DD is reasonable and will get that. You can give your DD grocery store gift cards a certain number of times in the summer and tell her that you want her to cover groceries for both of them with that. Not sure how far you are located, but you could also drive up once at the beginning of the summer (or just get a delivery arranged) of all the non-perishables your DD needs to last through the summer -- everything from paper towels to whatever brands of shampoo she likes -- so that grandma isn't bearing the cost of additional paper goods, brand names etc.; you could also throw in that delivery other non perishables like cereals, pasta, granola bars etc. Basically, it sounds like grandma won't ask for help -- so just force it upon her -- she won't be able to say no, when you or a delivery guy show up with a few boxes of stuff or when your DD hands a grocery store gift card to a cashier and says "sorry grandma, the bill is taken care of." [/quote]

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