Reply to How much do you encourage kids to "fit in"?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- first time I’m responding, so I was not the one who said it’s my right to know something just because I’m at someone’s home.  From my perspective, no idea if he is on the spectrum, nor do I expect anyone to share a medical diagnosis with me.

Is it possible that a kid is so into his own “world” -- whether it’s the internet or video games or whatever that he just doesn’t “know” how to socialize, or does it have to be a medical issue?

Either way -- why is it my business? Because these parents expect others to interact with their kid.  How is one supposed to interact when the kid acts like this? This isn’t like putting up with a little kid with annoying behavior -- you do it because they’re little and don’t know better, but a high school junior -- shouldn’t they GET how other teen boys act and just mimic that behavior in public? I think I agree with the PP that parents can shift the kids 1-2 points on the scale but can’t change them altogether because I can’t imagine that these parents WANT this behavior.[/quote]

NP here. I think it might be helpful to think of this boy as obviously having challenges, regardless of whether he does or does not qualify for a particular diagnosis. As far as teaching kids basic social skills, it is not difficult to be an adequate parent to neurotypical kids. Generally children want to fit in, they want to have friends, and most are born with the ability to imitate others and read clues in social situations. Yes, some kids may have more practice in social situations, and they may as a result be more polite and skilled socially, but a neurotypical kid does not require all that much practice to come off as someone in the average range. When a child is struggling the way you describe, I think it is pretty clear that he has challenges. Often a kid like this needs to be taught social skills very explicitly for a long time.[/quote]

What OP describes is more than just a lack of social skills.  This child has intense special interests and is also disengaged from the world around him (i.e. not zipping up his fly).  It reads as a classic case of AS.  I think most posters on this thread read it the same way.  Most of us would clearly see this as a kid with some sort of neurodevelopmental issue and would treat the family accordingly.  OP seems to lack a certain social awareness herself by not picking up on this and then by digging in (Those inadequate parents didn't tell me how to talk to their child!  And why can't the child just mimic other kids and get over his thing?).[/quote]

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