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[quote=Anonymous]I haven't read all the responses but similar to the OP, I am starting the journey.  I was worried about labels and stigmas, but the bottom line is for public school you will not get special services without an IEP. You won't get an IEP or 504 without a diagnosis. The school is not going to diagnose a medical condition like ADD/ ADHD so you will need to spend money at a minimum for a developmental pediatrician to do an evaluation (likely covered by insurance) and then decide if a full neuropych evaluation is worth pursuing.  We applied to one of the NIH studies for ADHD.  We were able to get the brain imaging, psychological testing, parent and teacher forms for the survey analyzed and checks for comorbidity like depression as part of participating in the study.  Our daughter even got a small stipend so she loved it.  My mom joked that we shouldn't have told our daughter a stipend was involved because she would put on a show and be at her most charming and engaging.

If you want to read up on typical behavior, CHADD (hhttp://www.chadd.org/) has a checklist.  You may also want to dip your toe in and start going to CHADD sessions and support groups. I sent my husband to one and it was eye opening for him. I think it was more valuable for him to get info first hand than for me to forward articles or tell him about what I read in a book. It's also useful to talk to other parents going through the same thing.

As for what works, I've heard often that not only is every kid different, but things change over time so what works today may not work tomorrow.  Lots of parents say medication has made the biggest difference but I don't known that it has been medication alone or that medication has always worked.   I do get what you are saying about making excuses.  The way I explained it to my daughter was by watching "Miracle Worker" - the Hellen Keller Story.  We talked about how Helen was blind and deaf and her parents thought her behavior with the tantrums and food etc. was all they could expect because Helen couldn't talk.  Anne Sullivan said it was not an excuse. Helen could communicate, she just had to learn a different way to communicate.  Watching the movie and hearing how Helen went on to write books, attend college, and meet several presidents was a reminder that you can still accomplish great things,  but it may be differently.  So I do expect my daughter to learn coping strategies and I do expect (though in public school I have been disappointed so far) for the school to help find what works and teach those strategies. It is possible medication may be part of what works but that too requires responsibility (e.g monitoring side effects, eating to balance reduced appetites for some medication, understanding how to cope with the medication wearing off, taking medicine at the same time)

So far, we try to keep our daughter active with sports etc.  She also responds well to having a checklist to help with the morning routine.  We also use timers to help break items down at home. Our daughter likes a certain amount of control but at the same time she gets off task very easily so something like a checklist or having her help come up with what days she will work on longer term projects without letting her wait till the last minute gives her input and control over when something gets done but within tight parameters.  She responds well to positive reinforcement and activites make better rewards than food or things.  We normally put a fun activity after a not so fun activity, for example, we will let the kids watch 30 minutes of "Amazing Race" after homework is done (and reviewed) and its done by 8pm.[/quote]

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