Reply to Bar/Bat Mitzvah etiquette

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have never thought about it being disrespectful for kid's friends to skip the service and come to the party.  The religious service is really important to family members/parents/grandparents/etc but the party is really for the kid's friends.  Saturday mornings are so overscheduled these days, that I think many kids can't make a Saturday morning event but can make a Saturday evening event.  When my kid is old enough, I will not be bothered if his friends come to the party and not the service.  I'll just be glad that his friends like him enough to come to his party. I grew up in an area with a lot of Jews and by the end of my 13th year I never wanted to go to another one again. [/quote]

I think this veers a bit too far in the opposite direction from the mandatory attendance folks. My kids (now in high school) weren't upset if a few of their friends had conflicts and missed the service, but they absolutely cared about having friends there. They put a huge amount of work into preparing for their B'nai Mitzvot, and appreciated the presence of their friends. And they knew which friends had legitimate conflicts (yes, a travel soccer game would count) and which were just blowing off the service.

As a parent, my position was that if you could go to the service you had to go to the service. Even if you felt as though you had sat through a million services already, for your friend it was a unique event. But if you had a conflict, it was ok to skip the service and still attend the party. Most families I know had the same policy. If you were invited to two conflicting services (it happens), it was case by case.[/quote]

I agree. My kid just had his Bar Mitzvah and he put enormous mount of effort into it and he absolutely cared that his friends were there. Of course, it is understandable if a kid can't come because of a legitimate reason, but kids should make every effort to attend the services.
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