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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, the tradition is that whoever is paying - traditionally the bride's family - is hosting. They're already going out of their way to accommodate your wishes. Did you really refuse to pay for anything?[/quote]

We gave them about $1500, which my son said covers a little less than half of one of the events. But, we also had to pay to re-new our passports, buy clothing for the weekend, pay to fly across the country and into Mexico, pay for the hotel, pay for all the meals not included in the wedding. Plus our other child is out of work, and so our son is paying to fly her to Mexico and back, and we are paying for her hotel room plus for her passport and meals while there. [/quote]

Hi, Mom.  Unfortunately, the etiquette here is correct, especially if the bride's family is not Jewish and doesn't know of the tradition in Jewish culture.  My parents helped with our wedding, but DH and I paid the bulk of it so only our names were on the invitation.  I know they were upset, but it wasn't my parents inviting anyone, since it wasn't an event that they were hosting.

As for the costs that you are paying, I paid that amount for my brother's wedding a few years back.  Thrown in bridal showers, bachelor party (my DH was in the wedding party), travel to a resort, babysitter for our infant, rental car, bridesmaid dress and tux rental, plus shower and wedding gifts.  Literally, I spent close to $6,000 on my brother's wedding and I had nothing at all to do with organizing or paying for the wedding!  That's just the reality sometimes.

I can appreciate that you are sad, but i think humiliated is probably a strong word.  Focus on the happiness of the occasion.  Focus on being thrilled that your future DIL loves your son enough to convert - that's a pretty big deal.  Welcome this marriage, or as others indicated, it's not a good start to a lifetime of in-laws and grandchildren.

Mazel Tov![/quote]

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