Reply to I am mean, unhappy and make everyone miserable

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Reply to "I am mean, unhappy and make everyone miserable"

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[quote=Anonymous]Dear OP -

Has your DH been evaluated for a condition like ADHD?

I agree with the poster that pointed out with a little planning on his part, he most certainly could have dropped off his shirts at the dry cleaner.  If not in the morning, why not last weekend or in the afternoon two days before?  Why can't he help more?  Are you afraid he may forget to pay a bill or whatever he needs to do?

My husband has ADHD.  Has he had some slip ups with the bills?  Some.  Was it earth shattering? No.  I just learned to create a check list for him of all the bills that need to be paid and when during the month so he doesn't forget any in the future.  Visual cues are great because it is a non-verbal reminder so he is independent and I'm not riding his a$$ to get it done.

My husband also does the dishes.  I cook but he cleans.  Has always been our arrangement to divide the chores.  While he is cleaning, I work with the kids on homework, etc. so they can get to bed at a decent hour.  Usually then, by 8pm my DH and I both have time to sit and chill.

For laundry, I wash dry and iron.  I used to take the clothes to the laundry room but had to stop because of a back injury.  Now everyone on Friday night is responsible for putting their own laundry in the laundry room or it just doesn't get washed till the next week.  My husband supervises the kids folding the laundry and putting the stuff away or he does it himself.

Again because of back issues, I go grocery shopping but my husband/kids bring in the bags.  My husband also puts out the trash for the garbage collectors and my children are responsible for bringing up the cans.

OP - your are stressing out because you simply have too much on your plate.  Working FT sucks with little ones.  Your DH needs to step up and help out more.  What would happen to your family if heaven forbid something happened to you?  What did he do before you got married?  No matter what his issues are, he is an adult and can do more.

Finally, on the issue your DH needed your help but you were too tired in the moment, you had every right to go on to bed.  This is how I would have phrased things, "Honey, I know you need my help on this.  Right now, I am too tired to give it my best attention.  Can I go to bed and look at it in the morning before I go to work or can I take a copy with me and look at it during lunch?"  When arguing, he needs to know you hear what his problem is and when you are willing to help.  What it seems like he heard is that you didn't want to help him which probably wasn't your intended message.  Again, if he is facing an expiring deadline, he is probably putting his stress of getting it done on time on you.  He needs to do a better job of planning particularly if he needs your help on things.[/quote]

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