Reply to Steubenville Rape Case: What You Haven't Heard-What lessons do you take from this re:your own boys?

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Reply to "Steubenville Rape Case: What You Haven't Heard-What lessons do you take from this re:your own boys?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recently had a conversation with my 15yo about rape and consent, based on this letter:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ask-amy-teen-victim-looks-for-answers/2013/02/15/e6791910-7793-11e2-8f84-3e4b513b1a13_story.html

I read him the letter and asked him if he thought it was rape and he said yes. We then talked about confusing signals, how any confusion means no, and how anyone influenced by drugs/alcohol is not capable of saying yes. [b]We also talked about how it is not just a question of a girl not saying "no," that she must fully and clearly say YES.  Anything less = back off.[/b]
It came up again last night for some reason, and we talked about how if you are in a situation where, like this girl, you *cannot* speak up and be clear, and are uncomfortable doing so, well then you should not be intimate with that person to begin with - that discomfort like that is a signal that you should not be in that situation.

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THANK YOU.  Why do we assume, in this country, that a woman's default state is "I clearly want to bone that guy"?  And that is something that needs to be overcome by her saying "no"?  The burden shouldn't be on the woman to disprove that she wanted to fuck some guy.  The burden should be on the guy to establish that she affirmatively wants to have sex with him.[/quote]

I suppose that whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing has got to go, then.  [/quote]

Look, people influenced by hormones, and especially teens influenced by hormones (and more especially teen BOYS so influenced) have clouded judgment and make poor decisions.  Add alcohol to the hormones cocktail and it's a very bad combination of circumstances with potentially devastating consequences.

The Steubenville thing is way beyond the pale, but my point is that at the end of the day, if there is any question at all about whether sex was rape, most of the time, the accused will be the boy/man.  It is therefore incumbent on boys and men to understand very clearly that if they are in a situation that they believe entails mutual consent, they must make 100% sure that the consent is clearly and freely given in a conscious way.  Anything less entails risk they should not take on.

I don't see a down side to educating our sons on this, but I see a huge up side. 
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