Reply to I am mean, unhappy and make everyone miserable

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[quote=Anonymous]Really?  He couldn't spend 30 seconds on Google to find a dry cleaner near his work or that opens super early near home?  It was an imperative for you to take the shirts in?  Please.

Look, all these my husband does nothing threads have the same answer that no one wants to hear.  If you aren't happy with the division of labor, you have to discuss it and agree to change it.  If your husband does not agree to change the level of his household labor contribution or agrees and then does nothing to actually change, you either accept his shortcomings or fight about it.

I raised this issue with my husband several times and always got his promise to do more.  Never happened.  Then I wrote him an email.  I listed every chore I could think of and put the name of the person doing each chore by it.  In the email I told him I would no longer be emptying the trash or recycling, doing the dishes, putting any laundry away, or maintaining any of his clothing outside of the house.  And I meant it.  I picked 3 things that I could live with if he didn't do.  I knew he would deal with the trash.  If he didn't do the dishes I was prepared to go all paper products and I would have served Thanksgiving dinner to his elderly mother on paper plates and said, "If you don't like paper plates, talk to your son.  I asked him to responsible for the dishes and he refuses," if she said anything.  I do all the laundry so I make sure I have 7 pairs of underwear and work clothes upstairs.  He can run up and downstairs every morning to find clothes for himself and our daughter.  He can take his own clothes in for dry cleaning and repairs.

The trick was not to be angry about it.  I was very factual and unemotional and just stated my position clearly, unambiguously, and unemotionally.  "I don't want to do the dishes!"  "Me either.  Check the list I sent you.  I will be happy to do the dishes if you want to pick something else to take over.  I am shopping for food and cooking all of our meals.  I fail to see why I should do the dishes too."

Sometimes he leaves the laundry in the basement for longer than I like, but it no longer affects me so it doesn't bother me that much.  It took a few days, but he got on board.  [/quote]

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