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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know this is an incendiary question. Obviously, a bio child can be very different from his/her parents. But the older my DD gets (early teens), I can't help but notice how opposite we are in personality, interests, etc. Of course, part of it is that most teens want to be the antithesis of their parents. But I sometimes I ask myself if I had been able to have a bio child if she would be more musical like me, love to read, be left handed, etc. I love her very much the way she is, but sometimes I can't help but wonder beyond looks, what a child might have inherited from me.[/quote]

NP here.  I'm not an adoptee or an adoptive parent, so I can't speak to those experiences.  I read this as being about a new stage of grief for your experience of infertility and the inability to have a child of your body.  It has nothing to do with your actual child and you should try not to make it about her and her differences.  You can never know what a bio child would have been like, and the experience or option of knowing was something you were not able to choose.  That is the loss that you have to accept and come to terms with, completely separately from your real life experience with your real life daughter.  That's a completely normal process, and you need to not romanticize it or make it about getting along better or being more similar or whatever.  Of course a bio child would have been imperfect, but it's not about what the child might or might not have been, it's about the fact that you were prevented from having that chance.  Which is completely unrelated to the chance you *were* given, to be the parent to the wonderful child you do have.[/quote]

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