Reply to Middle Schooler obsessed with appearance and quite thin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was my oldest DD. She went from a 3.9 GPA in ninth grade, to a 2.7 in tenth. Her perfectionism paralyzed her. She developed an eating disorder as a way to cope with anxiety and then she could not concentrate on schoolwork. We encouraged her to switch from performance-based activities (state flute competitions and competitive basketball) to other, less-pressured pursuits like community service, which she loved. She takes a medication now, sees a counselor once a month, and has rebounded in her schoolwork. The eating disorder is in recovery. She is off to college in the fall, with far more effective tools in her toolbox to deal with anxiety than before. I am so glad she was home so we could address this fully and compassionately before she left home.

Emotional and mental health is EVERYTHING. Let the violin and ballet go. They will recede quickly into the rear view mirror, and the child in front of you may blossom. [/quote]

Thanks for posting this. I'm glad your DD is doing well now. I can see that my DD needs to let go of some of her activities, particularly ballet, from which I see no good at all. She's not going to be a professional, and it reinforces all those body image/looks count more than anything/perfectionist messages she's bombarded with by society in general.

It's going to take some time to talk her out of ballet, though, which she really loves. She's been dancing since she was 4, when it was fun.

It occurs to me that because of all the pressure to succeed, none of the activities DD's involved in is truly FUN. Theater, at least, ought to be fun, but her teacher is a total megalomaniac. My daughter was crying the other day because her wig wasn't curling the right way. She was afraid her teacher would yell at her for her imperfect wig!  I thought DD was overreacting, but put in context of all the other stresses, I can see it's all too much for her. Thanks for helping me see this more clearly!

I posted initially because I see warnings flags, and I want to head off trouble. I have nothing against taking DD to see a professional, but I need her cooperation. I appreciate all the encouragement to take this seriously, which I do. [/quote]

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