Reply to If your spouse was a big law counsel/senior associate & did not make partner the first time up, then

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The top firm on most lists does not have offices in DC.

With respect to OP's question, what kind of feedback did he get about why he wasn't partner?  He should know based on those conversations whether he's got a good chance next year and the revenue/business case just isn't quite there, or whether it's really time to look around.

If he doesn't have a confidante in the partner ranks who can give him this kind of frank info, he's probably not in a position to make it, honestly.[/quote]

OP here.  Thanks everyone for their posts relating to my topic.

My spouse is a counsel/senior associate and is not eligible yet for partnership, but it is on the horizon and there is a feeling that our livelihood is tied to making partner (home, schools, lifestyle, extracurricular activities, etc).  As each year passes and we are closer to finding out we have pits in our stomachs.  I am trying to be supportive and not show my anxiety because my spouse is stressed and working a lot.

My spouse has been told there is a good chance of making partner, but that you never know until the vote.  It seems the voting is very secretive and involves much politics.  Is this right?[/quote]
I was a big law partner and then decided to SAH. DH is currently a midlaw partner.  We never bought into anything that tied us to a two lawyer income. It just gave us lots more options to consider in house, government, part time or SAH. [/quote]

I was a big law partner, until I came to the realization that the money, perceived prestige, etc. was not worth the hours, toll on my family and toll on my health.  The fact of the matter is that the real beatings begin when you make partner, especially if you are an equity partner.  It is no longer enough to be a good lawyer because you also need to generate business.  At my firm people expected you to increase the size of the pie if you were going to take a slice.  
A partner's compensation is based on this year's performance.  You can have five great years and find that you salary is decreased do to a slow sixth year.  My point is that you need to help him see that there is more to life than the law firm.  A task that is not easy.  After dedicating seven plus years to the goal of making partner, it is hard to come to terms that it is not all that you expected.  I probably made this realization my second year as a partner but it still took me three more years to screw up the courage to make a change.  I can tell you this, I have yet to meet someone who left a large law firm and regretted it.  The only think I miss is the money. 
My advice is to support your husband by assuring him that you would be fine with a more modest lifestyle, that what you are most interested in is that he is happy and that you are happy as a family.  He probably feels like not making partner will ruin not only his life, but the lives of everyone in your family, and that is simply not true.

Like the PP, we never lived a lifestyle that would require my firm salary, so I had the option of moving to a government position. I recommend that you take a second look at your spending to see what you can cull. Just knowing you have options makes the daily grind of law more bearable. 
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