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[quote=Anonymous]Mid-Life Crises (MLC): many of us on this thread with spouses ages 40-55 are dealing with it.

This MLC version (no cheating, not gay, nothing happened) is the thing. Aguy who already was put first by his fam needs to put his "happiness," "path" "self" first. These are low sex-drive, balding men with guts who want to feel "young" again.

My experience:

1. You can do something different than 50/50. If you are not at risk for government assistance and it is reasonable, you can waive child/spousal support.

2. MLC men do not want 50/50 child custody. They miss their visitation as it interferes with his ability to "pursue" his own path/happiness/adventure. While he was not a bad guy, he is NOT that same guy. MLC dads suddenly decide that they did enough/"too much" already and cut off the kids, too.

3. MLC men do not want to give/take child support. He may owe you money because he won't be taking custody, but he won't pay it. They become that selfish.

4. MLC men do not want YOUR retirement or YOUR inheritance or ANY "grown-up" heavy responsibilities. They want "freedom" and a "clean path". You are giving him a GIFT by offering to keep the house and the mortgage, all the investments and figuring out those decisions, and all the savings. He gets to start anew and relive his youth.

5. MLC men do NOT get better unless THEY (not you or the kids) get sick, hurt, or have a major IRL crisis (e.g., get a girl pregnant, screw up somehow). Get you and your kid in therapy and journal. Do not date or "escape." "Pursue my own path" dad is going to put your kid #0 and that kid deserves to be #1 so that is on you. Be there for the kid, even if they don't appreciate it or understand it. You can sleep at night and hopefully will end up with kids who are in healthy relationships and have good grandkids -- stop the cycle.[/quote]

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