Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really do not think taking your husband's last name needs to be treated like some outdated or anti-woman thing.

The data still shows it is completely normal. Pew found that 79% of women in opposite-sex marriages took their husband's last name, while only 14% kept their own and 5% hyphenated. Even education does not change the overall picture as much as people assume. Among women with postgraduate degrees, only 26% kept their original last name, meaning most still either took their husband's name or combined names.

And this is not just a conservative or old-fashioned thing. Plenty of prominent liberal, educated, accomplished American women have taken or used their husband's last name publicly, including Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Jill Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Amy Klobuchar, Kamala Harris, Gwen Walz, and Gretchen Whitmer. In younger/current culture, you also see examples like Hailey Bieber and Chrissy Teigen.

Obviously, if someone has a strong personal, professional, cultural, or family reason not to change it, that is completely fine. But for most people, sharing one family name is simple, practical, and meaningful. It does not erase anyone's independence, education, politics, or accomplishments. For many families, it is just easier and cleaner to take the name and move on.[/quote]

No amount of "most women take their husband's name" changes the fact that the practice is sexist and implies the superiority of male identity. We would have just as many men taking their wives' last name if the practice was truly neutral.[/quote]
A practice can come from tradition without every woman who chooses it today being oppressed or endorsing male superiority. Most women are not sitting there thinking, "my husband’s identity is superior to mine." They are thinking, "we are forming one family unit, this is the normal convention, and it is easier for our household and children."

Also, the fact that fewer men take women’s names does not automatically make every woman’s choice sexist. It just means the convention runs one direction. Lots of social conventions are asymmetrical without every person participating in them being morally wrong.

Women are adults. If a woman wants to keep her name, fine. If she wants to take her husband’s name, also fine. But declaring the majority choice of married women "sexist" is not feminist. It is just judging women for making a traditional choice you personally dislike.

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