Reply to I didn't fully comprehend the cost of eldercare

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[quote=Anonymous]The expectation that you would be able to live in your own home at 90+ with serious health issues is entitled. Unless you have saved enough to pay for that kind of care, you have to either move into assisted living or move closer enough to kids where they can provide care. I know this is not what people want to do and I know giving up independence is very hard. But it is a reality of aging. You aren't independent anyway if you need 24/7 home care. You are completely dependent on other people. Unless you are very wealthy, that likely means accommodating the people who are caring for you.

We are going through this right now with my MIL. She cannot afford full time care and she lives in a house that is not at all set up for eldercare (tiny downstairs with no main floor bathroom, rickety old stairs, plus the house is filled to the gills with stuff and she refuses to get rid of anything). We cannot afford to provide her with 24/7 care nor can we afford to retrofit her house for this purpose nor does that even make sense. We have invited her to live with us in our IL suite, which has two rooms and its own bathroom and kitchenette. We could afford to pay for part-time care here during the day, but would not need to pay for overnight or weekend care, at least not yet. We have also found a decent facility in her current town but it would necessitate her selling her home in order to get in there, and BIL doesn't want her to do this because he's hoping to inherit that home.

She doesn't want to move anyway, not in with us, not to a facility. BIL claims he's taking care of her and doesn't want to hire anyone at all, but she's had multiple surgeries and two major falls in the last few years and I don't think he can handle it. We drive up there every time something happens but it's 4 hours each way and taking a major toll on our family as the incidents have started happening with more frequency. DH has used up all his sick leave for the year already and will have to take unpaid leave if he needs to go up again, which he almost certainly will.

It's so frustrating because everyone wants this ideal situation that is totally unworkable and is not willing to just confront the limitations of the situation. I also think people are being stubborn about change but that if she either moved in with us or into the care facility, everyone would be much happier in about 6 months, including MIL and BIL. No one is thinking clearly. Ugh.[/quote]

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