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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im the mom of one boy who had social struggles in early elementary and wasn’t super athletic. I was friendly with some other moms but in general I was taken aback and how cliquish the moms of kids in his grade seemed to be, and felt sort of left out of many things. Then in rolled my second kid with his easy confidence and his superior athleticism and the moms of kids in HIS grade were so surprisingly friendly! We were invited to everything! Everyone was so welcoming! I was added to so many group chats!

I knew better though. If my second kid had been my first kid I would have thought our school was just so welcoming and nice and then I’d have been devastated when my second kid rolled in and we were shut out of stuff in his grade. I also know those moms will drop me as soon as my kid decides he actually doesn’t want to do travel soccer anymore he wants to do the chess club. So I stay above the drama. I recommend it [/quote]

This. I went through this with just one kid. She was the "weird", small, awkward kid who was bad at sports and really limited social skills until 4th grade. She struggled to make friends and the other moms avoided me or talked to me with pity in their voices because they felt bad for us. Then in 4th, DD, who is actually an awesome kid who happened to be socially awkward, started winning every academic award the school offered and the other kids discovered she plays the piano and violin really well. Suddenly the kids liked and respected her and started inviting her to things, and the other moms got much more friendly. But my kid didn't change and neither did I. It's just the way they viewed us changed because they discovered my kid has hidden talents when they'd assumed we were all just losers.

I was never impolite and of course I encouraged my kid to accept those offers of friendship. But I also recognized it all for what it was -- shallow. People tell on themselves every single day.[/quote]

Why is it shallow? Honest question- if my kids aren’t friends with a kid at school, I don’t invite them to play dates and activities.  Just like other families don’t invite my kid to stuff.  But then kids change, become friends with different kids, etc.  So then I would invite someone to that.  [/quote]

It’s completely obvious how shallow it is. I showed up at a new school, I’m cute and my kid is good looking and the mom cohort acted like I was some kind of celebrity welcoming me. Then at the first basketball practice my son is the worst on the team and burst into tears at one point. (I had no idea the other kids would be so skilled or I wouldn’t have encouraged him to join!) After that they acted like I had leprosy. Three years later they completely ignore me.
My second kid is better socially and I’m on all the group chats and invited to everything. [/quote]

You need to get over yourself about being welcome like a celebrity.

I’m good looking and so are my kids. We were also welcomed but not like celebrities. Both my boys are very athletic. My one kid does play basketball. My kid improved, made the travel, AAU and high school teams. When I see parents from his elementary basketball team, we say hi and friendly.

They probably don’t like you for some other reason. Being full of yourself might be it.[/quote]

This [/quote]

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