Reply to Why are schoolyard social issues so much harder than anywhere else?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven't read the whole thread but Op you mention "guiding them". Kids monitor this for other kids. [b]One kid gets known as a bully and they are avoided.[/b] Behavior is checked by other kids. Really afraid of someone? You avoid them, you learn how to stay in a safe space. These skills (unless there's actual physical harm) are important skills. And this isn't learned with adults "guiding them"[/quote]

The bolded is a problem thought because kids don't know what bullying is and will label other kids "mean" or "bullies" in situations where it doesn't apply. Just like adults.

The biggest problem I hear about is kids getting labeled bullies because they don't want to play with someone. My 3rd grader has told this approximately 4000 times this year. "Taylor is a bully, she won't play with Sophie when Sophia asks nicely." That's not bullying. I also hear about things like sticking out tongues, rolling eyes, or running away referred to as "bullying." It makes me laugh when my kid tells me they were being "bullied" because so-and-so stuck their tongue out at them, and I'm like "you stuck your tongue out at me this morning when I asked to you stay at the table until you were done with breakfast." Like no, that behavior isn't good and I hope other kids' parents are also calling it out and telling kids not to do it. But it's not bullying, it's kids who don't yet know how to handle conflict resorting to childish (they are children!) insults instead.

The kids know that the word bully is a powerful word. They want to use it to control the behavior of other kids they don't like. That does NOT mean your kids are dealing with bullies. It means they are smart enough to know that the label of bully can be harmful, but not smart enough to know that harm needs to be used judiciously and only in severe situations, not normal playground spats. Please push back against your kid labelling everyone they don't like a bully, in the context kids use it, it's basically name calling. Like calling another kid stupid or weird.[/quote]

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