Reply to Is "The One That Got Away" a Real Thing for People or Just a Form of Escapism????

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Reply to "Is "The One That Got Away" a Real Thing for People or Just a Form of Escapism????"

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH had an emotional affair with "the one who got away".  It was his first girlfiend (and first sex) and they were together from age 16-20.   But get this....that was 35 effing years ago!  Sorry for the cussing, but really?  He is not the cheater type either - really he isn't.  While he has his failings which affect him in relationships, he is overall a good person.  She was a heartbreaker type back then - she broke up with him to date others, then would get back together with him.  She used him then and broke his heart.  All he ever said about her was negative stuff and how dangerous and cruel she was, and that he was glad it ended and that he later found me.  He never had anything good to say nor any interest in talking with her.  He said he was over her long ago.

Well...then there is facebook...he gets an account a couple years ago and she finds him.  She calls him at work, they talk, then she emails, IMs him, calls more, send him books, music, etc......and he totally reciprocates the communication.  Early on, he covers it up, I find out, he says he will stop (after a lot of fighting over why it isn't good for our marriage, that they are not just friends, and that I am not just being jealous).  That has to happen about 3 times until he finally stops....supposedly.  Fast forward to about 9 months ago (so 2 years after the intitial EA)....I find some evidence that they have still had some email and phone contact, just hidden it better, but what seems like not as often.  Still, one of the emails from her says she thought about him when she heard a love song and saying "I love you".

Now I think they have no contact.  I don't know if it is because he isn't as into her now as compared to 2 years ago, it has fizzled out, and she was keeping on contact more than was.....he did say in counseling that he thought it was a fantasy type thing - and escape - a return to his youth to talk with her and remember all the things they did (they traveled and lived together) - and remember the feelings of course.  Then he said it isn't the same, they are older and they aren't the person you've been remembering all this time.  I don't know how much of that was said to please the counselor and me who were sitting there.  I think he feels pressure to say the right thing.  He may just not be talking to her right now (last 6 months or so) because he has no work email or work phone to do it secretly, since he is laid off.

I don't get it.  I rememebr fantasizing about my first love in my 20's, but after that I got over it.  After a certain amount of time, you'd think you could see reality.  He is in his 50's after all.  [/quote]

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