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Tweens and Teens
Reply to "Looking for Advice on Building Empathy and Kindness in a Teen"
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[quote=Anonymous]The middle school years are about experimentation, learning about themselves and how to be good friends. They are very self-focused as a developmental stage. Most kids switch up their friendships during middle school and that is normal and ok. Learning how to balance advocating for herself while being kind to others is one of the projects of this stage of life/development. Material things are neither bad nor should they be necessary/the focus of friendships. Questions and setting a good example are how you influence and guide your kid. And occasionally telling them what you value and working through a more challenging situation with them. My kid knows from early ES drama that I have no patience for kids who are being manipulative and mean. She goes to a huge public school - just avoid kids who don’t seem to be trying to be kind all the time. Will kids make mistakes? Of course. But there are plenty of kids who are pretty much always trying to be nice, kind, good friends (even if they sometimes fail). Choose your friends out of that group. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying fashion or femme coded stuff - hair, nails, etc. But true friends are the ones who enjoy spending time together, care about each other and look out for each other. My kid and I have had convos over the years about who is a good friend, a reliable friend, a loyal friend. And who is fun and trying but maybe a less reliable friend. Sometimes we hurt people by accident or because we misjudge a situation - that is going to happen in MS and in life. But there’s no excuse for being purposefully mean and you should not tolerate that in a friend. Those are people to avoid. [/quote]
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