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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I minored in biological anthropology in college. Reality is, human children are not meant to be raised solely by two people. We did not evolve with isolated nuclear families.

Human children are so time-intensive that we evolved to be raised by an entire village of people (alloparents). From what I remember, among hunter gatherers, the ratio of adults to children is around 4:1 and infants are held by up to 18 different people per hour.

Animals with extremely time-intensive parenting, such as birds, usually have a very short period of rearing. A baby bird is off on its own within 6-8 weeks.

Of course, there are trade-offs. Among animals, babies usually just follow their parents around while the parents go do normal life activities. However, this leads to extremely high death rates of 50-90%. Even among hunter-gatherers, childhood mortality is around 50%.

And having a village raise your child means they will alloparent in different ways from you, and you have very little say in it. There are reports of hunter-gatherers where the parents do virtually zero discipline and leave it up to other members of the group. This wouldn't fly among many parents today.

Unfortunately I don't think there's really a solution for families in the United States. We want to be independent and not live with multiple other people. Things like free daycare, free healthcare, a living wage, etc do help, though. But the reality is that life with kids is just intense. Add a capitalistic system where we're supposed to buy more things and bigger things, and nobody is happy.[/quote]

This is very fascinating. thank you for this! [/quote]

NP.  If you are interested in biological anthropology, you might like the book "Our Babies, Ourselves" by Meredith Small.

It's about some of the odd features of our culture regarding babies.  It is weird to keep them in nursery bedrooms separate from parents.   That's why they cry.  They aren't evolved to feel safe so far from parents.  They have to get used to it/learn they are safe.  Americans also bathe their babies far more than a lot of cultures.

Time savers for me included buying a condo townhouse to avoid yard work, finding a reliable decent daycare center, and keeping the baby in my room until about 12 months.  I never found a village.[/quote]

So, I am the PP who minored in biological anthropology, and I did NOT write this.

I actually think parents need to be *extremely* cautious when trying to adopt so-called “natural” parenting styles, because much of what is put out in pop culture books does not reflect the reality of hunter-gatherer life. And it always needs to be looked at in the broader, more holistic context.

For example, what PP said about room sharing -  actual research data shows that babies often sleep better when in their own rooms rather than with their parents. And while hunter gatherers may have their children in the same room, there is the broader context of having dozens of other adults to help during the day and at night so that parents can take naps, spend time together, get things done, etc.

What is 100% absolutely not healthy in any way is to assume that if something is more “natural”, it is better for children and better for that specific family. I did a more “attachment style” type of parenting with my first child because I enjoyed it (although I did not BF, as I did not like it). By the time I had my second child, I was working again and overwhelmed with raising two kids basically as a single mom, and attachment style would have absolutely wrecked my mental health. Everyone needs to assess what works best for them and their family’s needs.

So I always caution parents when they try to parent similarly to hunter gatherers. For most, there simply isn’t enough of a village to divide that amount of labor around so that it doesn’t become too taxing on one person.

Both of my kids do sleep in my room, but that is because it works for us. If it didn’t, I would have no problem having them in a separate room, and I absolutely do not think all families should do what I do. [/quote]

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