Reply to Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?[/quote]

What specifically are you unhappy about? What would you hope to change?
Its hard to answer your question without understanding whether or not you have valid reasons.[/quote]

I want to make plans and do things. I want him to want to make some (not all) of those plans. I want him to want to do anything other than just work and sit at home doing nothing. He is in charge of cutting the grass and paying the bills that come due. He couldn’t tell you what days our kids have practice or games or where. He will call me on his way home from work and say “does anyone need to be picked up?” And “what were we thinking for dinner?” and to him this makes him an Involved Father. Never reads school emails, team emails, group chats. Never fills out forms or signs anyone up for anything. Never plans a vacation or a basic meal or an activity. His idea of a plan is “what should we watch on Netflix?” About once a week he will feign interest in me which is my cue that he wants to have s*x. And then he’ll be checked out again until the next time. It’s boring and lonely. When the structure of kids school and activities fall away (only a few years away) I’m so sad to think what our life will be like. He’s not concerned in the least.

And the most upsetting part is that I’ve told him all these things so many times and he just acts like I’m being ridiculous. [/quote]

It sounds like you are in the midst of the grind and he is checked out.  How long has he been checked out?[/quote]

That's the opposite of what OP said though.  She said he is satisfied with the marriage.  She is the one who wants to bail. She eben implied she wanted to do that in a few years when kids were out of the house.[/quote]

If her DH is as checked out as she describes, then he may not even realize how checked out he is.

My DH did not want to change anything.  If you asked him he would have said he loves me and we are happily married.  But he was always criticizing me, always angry at me, and did not want any intimacy or connection with me.  He was saying one thing and acting like he hated me.  It was awful.  Therapy forced him to express his frustrations out loud.[/quote]

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