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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"+1. My kids are now 16 and 19 and the idea of introducing them to someone else is daunting. One is already at college. I don't ever want her to feel that she has somehow lost her home or for her to be uncomfortable in her home. I'm dating someone seriously and we're discussing marriage. But that comes with living together. And I don't want my daughter to be uncomfortable so I'm sort of stuck at the moment. I also don't want to sell her childhood home to move in with my boyfriend/fiancé/husband--I want her to have stability while she's at college.

I did wait 10 years to start dating. I probably didn't really try very hard. My kids took up most of my time and energy and I always wanted them to come first. In hindsight, it probably was too long but I wasn't ready before that."

You solve this by setting boundaries with your partner. I made it very clear that my child will always have a place in my home, even if I shared my home with him. I wouldn't have committed to a partner who wasn't okay with that, and who didn't trust my parenting enough to be certain that I would make good parenting choices. Before me, he'd been with a woman who didn't welcome his children into the home he shared with her when his kids were in town. I think that experience made him appreciate me and my mothering practices/beliefs even more when we met. (She'd never had children of her own and didn't "get" that your kids are always your kids, regardless of how old they are.)

Your kids will learn that your heart is big enough to still love them and to also love your new partner. That's an important lesson for all people to learn.

Something to keep in mind that I didn't realize is that you getting a life partner might relieve them of the responsibility they may feel to "take care" of you. I was blown away when I saw that my DC had already been worried about having to be the one to care for me when I get old. Even now, they feel bad when they're back from college on break and want to hang out with friends instead of with mom. Now they know I've got someone else to keep me busy and they know that I'm never lonely and sitting around by myself waiting for them to spend time with me. (I was always busy with work, hobbies, and friends, so this was kinda hilarious.) Your kids might surprise you.[/quote]

I am not that PP but I disagree with you. Having a new partner is absolutely disruptive to kids. I will not ever mess up my kids childhood. No one will live with me. I divorced when they were 5 and 8. They are now 11 and 14. Thankfully, my ex agrees. And a man is not a plan ever—not even in old age. [/quote]

....except you literally did mess up their childhood by getting divorced[/quote]

No, I didn’t. They have an absolutely great childhood and they see both parents every single day. They are very happy and they wouldn’t have it any other way. My parents stayed in a horrible marriage and it was a very bad childhood. My kids have no academic issues perfect straight students no trauma they even tell me that themselves. Being in a bad marriage, where a couple either does not speak at all or argues constantly is much much worse than having a divorce when everybody is calm and peaceful. People who think divorce is this great trauma in itself really have not had that much trauma in their life to be honest with you. Even my kids say the only trauma they have is a death of a childhood friend that was sudden and tragic. The divorce is a non-issue. They don’t even remember us being married. Someone asked if they wish their parents were together and they laughed out loud and said everyone is so happy now we wouldn’t have it any other way correction one child barely remembers. She said the only thing she remembers is us not speaking or us fighting horribly and nothing in between there were no good memories. There was nothing to hold onto. [/quote]

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