Reply to I hate everything about having a child with special needs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]im always in the minority on this board with this but i found the welcome to holland thing v helpful.  YMMV.[/quote]

Sure, except it’s not Holland. I booked a beach resort with waves and palm trees and got Times Square in the city that never sleeps with blaring sirens everywhere. My nerves are shot, I’m always ON and I have a pounding headache. [/quote]

[b]I feel like the holland thing is a good metaphor for regular parenting. [/b] I expected my kids would want to do X with me, I planned to share Y with them but then it turns out they hate x and y and so I had to get into Z instead.  But the SN parenting sometimes feels more llle you got sent to a war zone — someplace that no one would voluntarily pick and which is filled with high stakes hazards and yeah maybe the country had some great underlying qualities if you could find a quiet moment when the bombs aren’t falling to explore those.

I think one thing that is hard about SN parenting and making connections is that the journey is so different for each of us.  (Remember Tolstoy —- all happy families are similar, but unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way).  My kid has made so much progress over almost 20 years —- but I know that’s not in the cards for everyone.  The war zone metaphor does work well because some places are just in perpetual conflict, whereas others move to a place that is more likeable, and that change can be gradual or come in fits and starts.  Everyone’s on a different journey.

OP, I hope we’ve validated your feelings and given you some confort.  It is hard.[/quote]

First line is spot on! My NT kid prefers country music to my 90s grunge, and sports instead of my museums and theater. So I suck it up and listen to country and ball games in the car. And I’ve developed an appreciation for those things from him. And that’s nice.

My ND kid requires appointments and tutoring and meds and a lot of 1-1 time and meltdowns and constant emails from teachers and feeling like I’ve failed in every way possible. And yes she has her own strengths and things I love but it’s not a matter of “oh, ok, not what I was planning but it’s still a great place that I would recommend to others”[/quote]

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