Reply to Help getting 2.5 year old to sleep

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think I would be wound up too if I were getting locked in a room for two hours before I was ready to sleep. Start routine more like 8:30 and read to her and tell her you will stay until she goes to sleep. Then start working away from that once she is able to do bath, books, settle down with you there.

Locking her in a room while she pulls the drawers out of the dresser is not helping with her sleepiness. You are probably giving her anxiety and making her stay up even later. [/quote]

We have tried every bedtime imaginable. Even when we start at 8:30, stay with her, offer cuddles, etc. she is still pulling drawers at 11:30.

Since 8:30 also doesn’t work, what time do you suggest we start? What do you suggest if we stay in her room but she is not in bed, not trying to go to bed, climbing on us, and is just playing and pulling drawers? [/quote]

[b]If I were in her bedroom, she would be in bed while I rubbed her back - after reading 2 books and singing one goodnight song.  If she doesn't like rubs, then rub her forehead. But no talking, no nothing, no correcting, just giving her lots of wonderful backrubs. This should be positive not, I'm here because you are naughty and I'm going to catch you in the act. Nope, it's I'm helping you to fall asleep so you can have a great day tomorrow. That attitude shift on your part will make you less frantic to GET HER TO SLEEP NOW and set off her fight system[/b]  Also, while sitting by her bed in a chair, [b]I'd face sideways to her[/b] so you aren't looking at her (but of course you can see her out of the corner of your eye). Why?? Some kids, when you are facing them, simply MUST mess with you, they take it as a challenge, but if you aren't looking at them it seems less like a challenge and she's apt to settle better.

Then, I'd start a (long, going to take about 3 weeks!) procedure to [b]withdraw her need[/b] to have you there.  If you don't do this, she'll go back to running around, dumping stuff, etc.

1. once she is able to stay in bed and go to sleep with only 30 minutes of you rubbing her back (at the beginning it might take longer), then I'd sit right there but do backrubs until she is drowsy, then let her fall asleep with just your hand on her back but not rubbing. but you stay in her room until she is really asleep.
2. as soon as she can accomplish this, give yourself 2 days of doing it, then start sitting with your hand on her back but no rubbing until she is asleep
3. then give 2 days of this successfully then sit next to her bed with your hands in your lap.  
4. then 2 days after she falls asleep this way, move the chair 1 ft away from bed, stay in room until she falls asleep
5. then 2 days after accomplishing that, move chair 2 or 3 more feet away, stay in room until asleep 
6. 2 days after that, move chair to doorway of her room, stay in room until asleep
7. 2 days after can do this, move chair to halfway down hallway - 
8 then you are FREE, FREE, FREE!

This will take time, but you've seen that if you just leave her to her own devices she will play and dump and TRY to get you back in the room. She might be overtired, she might not be, I have no idea.  I mean, you could try putting her in bed at 6:3opm after dinner, but I bet that won't work.

Try this gradual removal of the need for you to be in her room. What you are doing isn't working, so try this, even though it means her getting used to you being in the room at the beginning, which I KNOW you don't want to do, but at this point....

Now, you cannot do this and be angry.  Or constantly talking to her and reprimanding.  So go in with a positive attitude "I'm getting to spend some lovely time with my little girl helping her to go to sleep" so YOU are giving off positive vibes (they feel that) and have NO TONE in your voice.

Take your kindle in, and once she is at the no touching her back phase, just read until she is asleep.

I'd pick 8pm while she's taking a nap still, - go up at 7:30pm, brush teeth with low lighting in the bathroom, wash face, change diaper/go potty, go into bedroom with low lighting and read books, then into bed by 8pm.

AND no tv and no computer or ipad or whatever before bed.  Period. It keeps adults up, it will keep kids up.  If you can, now that it's lighter at the end of the day, I'd take her to the playground and run her HARD before dinner.  Have her be tired, have dinner, quiet play on 1st floor, upstairs at 7:30pm.

I KNOW this will take some time, and you will be tempted to rush through the steps, but if you do, she will start farting around (standing on her bed, jumping, getting out of bed, whatever) and you'll need to backup a step, Sigh.  ALSO do not get caught at one of the steps for weeks - then she will learn that she NEEDS you to do one of those steps.  The point is that she learns to do something but doesn't get hooked on that thing before you move to the next step, that's why you only do something 2 nights once she masters it. Might take 5 days for her to go to sleep easily once you change something (stop rubbing, or stop touching, or moving a chair a few feet) but once she can do it 2 days, move to the next step.

What, where and how to have older child go to bed?  I don't have any good ideas.  Your younger is on the bottom bunk and your older is on the top?  Will your older wake her up if they climb onto top bunk after the little one is sleeping?  If not, great!

If yes, could you split the bunk beds right now into 2 twins, spaced far apart?  And then make them into bunks again in 6 months or so once she is a good faller-asleeper?[/quote]

We are not even at the point where she will sit in a rocker with us or lay in bed with us. Last night I was in her bed with her when she got up, walked out the door and went down to play with toys all before I could even get out of her bed. 
[/quote]

She sounds extreme. You have an older child that sleeps fine, so, it can't be totally your fault. You may need to remove all her stuff. I personally would not let her be destructive. She can earn them back with a behavior chart (if you think she is old enough, I feel like she probably isn't quite there). I would ask the doctor if there is anything to check into developmentally or medically (they are pretty useless with this stuff, but maybe they will come up with something).

She may be low sleep needs (my kid was) and the nap is messing with her sleep. In a perfect world you would be home with her (or a nanny), and she wouldn't nap then be put down to bed very early. Most of us don't have this luxury. It is okay if you just have to figure out a way to make do (that is what most folks with extreme sleepers do). She won't be in this stage forever. When she is older you can start with behavior charts, the alarm clocks that give sleep and wake up cues, etc. [/quote]

Our oldest will say goodnight, get tucked in, and if left alone by little sister, will fall asleep fine. He did go through a phase where he would only sleep in our bed which was around the same age my daughter is in now. But he would immediately go to sleep in our bed. My daughter will not. Even middle of the night if she wakes up and I try to bring her in our bed she will start climbing and will jaw to go back to her room.

I suspect like you say this is just the phase to get through, which of course doesn’t make it any easier, but means it’s not forever. I’m also a night owl so not surprised she is too. I really just hoped for ideas we hadn’t tried or thoughts on things that could be causing it. She sees the pediatrician in about two weeks and we’ll check in on it then. [/quote]

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