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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The friend is asking ds to room with him - they are VERY good friends, but ds doesn't want to. While it would be easier for him, because he is not nearly as outgoing as his friend, he feels like it would be good for him to go with a random roommate, but isn't sure how much of that is based on the tension between them now. He asked my advice. What would you say? It would really make freshman year easier for him to room together, but it would probably be good for him to put himself out there and meet new people.

I told ds this could all be moot and his friend could get off the waitlist for Yale or Brown in May - which I think should happen! But I am just sitting here wondering what to advise - roommate requests can go in now. Sorry for the long post - single mom, so I don't have another adult to talk this out with right now. [/quote]

No, they shouldn’t room together. Even before the tension and the friend possibly getting off a waitlist, I would have said no.  As everyone said, if they have each other as a fallback, they are less likely to put in the effort to meet new people and try activities without the other.  We also don’t know how compatible they are as roommates.  In some ways rooming with strangers either that you found on your own or a housing match will force you to ask questions, consider what is ideal or not so ideal in a housing situation and articulate it, speak up for yourself, and. hopefully find compromise.  When you have a pre-existing friendship, it can be hard to ask the same questions and speak up for yourself because you worry about putting the friendship at risk.

I’d leave open the possibility they can always room together sophomore year - there might be the potential of more space like a suite or off campus house and more people.  I also think that year of maturity and getting adjusted to college would make it an easier transition if they live together the next year.
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