Reply to Marriage like a train wreck in slow motion before my eyes

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. I appreciate the compassion and helpful pointers. Over the past 2 years I’ve tried multiple mediations and hormones and I’m still really struggling. It doesn’t help that DH has no curiosity about what I’m going through. [b]I have turned myself inside out to be cheerful for him when he comes home[/b] and for the kids. I am so overwhelmed trying to navigate the system for getting help that it feels really bleak. I feel so incredibly hopeless on bad days. I’ve been depressed before so I know what it feels like, but being married and responsible for kids and being so alone makes everything so much worse. I want to crawl into a hole. I know it sounds insane but I’m not functioning well enough to make appointments. I’ve tried multiple times over the past 3 months and each time I am met with barriers and I end up breaking down. [b]I just want to disappear.[/b] [/quote]

1) Stop faking for him. Match his energy and save your strength for yourself and your kids. I started putting myself first (or second after the kids) when I finally accepted he would never. It sucks, but if we were divorced I'd be doing the same thing. Also, I tell him stuff he has to do. Yes, it's mostly things a chimp could be trained to do because he's not interested in putting in any effort, but it is helpful to not have to worry about the dishes and garbage.

2) Are you thinking of hurting yourself? Talk to someone. Make an appointment with your primary care doctor and tell them you are drowning. Call a crisis line. It will get better.
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