Reply to Struggling with the limbo of DH’s sort-of estrangement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are borrowing trouble. Your husband has explained that if his parents want contact, he will set boundaries that require changed behavior. It’s not his problem how they do it. IF that ever happens, then you can tell him you aren’t comfortable participating or including the children until a certain amount of time elapses without problems, or the sun explodes.

They’ve left you alone for nine months. Why are you obsessing about this? I’m normally pretty sympathetic to IL problems but this is starting to feel like you are very insecure in your marriage and maybe that has driven the estrangement. IDK if that’s the case but it’s definitely off.[/quote]

Something is off. I understand that OP is traumatized by what happened over the last 20 years, but OP, I suggest you let go of this false notion of control you have. You can't control if your husband decides he wants to initiate contact again. You can't control what your in-laws do. All you can control is yourself, and maybe the problem is that you didn't get your feelings off your chest at the time it all happened. You could say it now but if it were me, I'd wait until it became relevant. You can absolutely hold firm to never seeing them again. You cannot make your husband do the same. You cannot make your in-laws agree with your husband's position, nor make them agree that they have changed for good. Your children are tough because they are your husband's children as well, but it sounds like he's acting in their best interest so you need to let it go. [/quote]

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