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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your disappointment in her ending the friendship is a sign of codependency.

Some people really like, and even seek out, being in the role of judge within a friendship. They like a dynamic where the other person has problems, and they sit back and evaluate how that person is doing with those problems. Sometimes people like this also want to be a teacher/advisor, and then they will evaluate how their "friend" executes their advice. But it's an inherently unequal relationship where the judge is always above the other person. A fixer and the person being fixed.

This dynamic SUCKS for the person on the other side. It can be demeaning, bad for self-esteem, and can actually make it harder for that person to address real problems in their life because the relationship will cause them to doubt their own instincts and abilities, or to question if they even have the agency necessary to make a change.

If this describes your friendship, then what likely happened is that your friend woke up to the way that your friendship was holding them back from actually improving their life, and they ghosted to escape the negative dynamics. Your feeling of loss and disappointment is not in losing the friend, it's in losing your role as judge, from which you might have derived a sense of superiority and self-worth.

So perhaps you should ask yourself why this bothers you. It sounds to me like you don't like that your friend exercised agency over her own life.[/quote]

Co dependency? Huh? [/quote]

NP and yes. Look it up, because your disappointment with not being the one in control of the relationship and/or its end is peak codependent behavior.

Join CODA, get help. You're not a good friend.[/quote]

No idea what this means. Join CODA? [/quote]

I'm guessing Codependents Anonymous. It exists because often addicts have codependent family and friends who struggle when the addict is in recovery, because it removes their "role" from the addict's life.

But unless OP's friend was an addict, I don't think it's necessary here. It's enough to recognize that her role in the friendship was codependent and to be more self-aware moving forward. Maybe if her feelings about the end of this friendship are very strong or persist, see a therapist. I think sometimes people who are prone to codependent friendships are repeating patterns from childhood, and it can be good to unpack that.[/quote]

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