Reply to How many physical falls are acceptable?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Call me heartless but I’d try not to worry too much. One day things will come to a halt and then you’ll figure something out. Most likely he’ll be taken to a hospital and pass there or at the post hospital rehab. 
Take this from sometime whose mother refused to leave her hoarded house and died in that hoard. I wish I didn’t have the fights with her that lead nowhere, for her sake and mine. Sometimes they just want to leave on their own terms. [/quote]

You have to let adults make their own decisions. Whether they are the choices you want them to make or not. You can provide support, as it seems OP has done with making sure the home is physically as safe as possible. But that’s it.[/quote]o

This really isn’t true.  If they are truly old, more than 80, they have inevitably lost some of their capacity to make reasoned decisions and are stressed about their stage of life.  You can listen to their fears, and do the legwork on what their best options are.  Often, when things really fall apart, or they can no longer cook for themselves or drive, they are willing to consider changes they were refusing a year or two earlier.  It can be a process, with a lot of two steps forward, one step back, but I don’t think the onku option is to leave them to their own devices in an elderly unfriendly house.[/quote]
Most (but not all) of my family have lived well into their 90s, sharp as tacks, and with amazing health. They weren’t stressed about their stage of life at all. As to the rest of the statement, most people are presenting options and advocating for changes. But understanding that you can’t force a competent adult to do something they don’t want to do is important for caring children/grandchildren who are extremely stressed and feel guilty when their LO refuses help.[/quote]

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