Reply to What plans to make for 100% codependent mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There really is a world in which you don’t have to enable all this. But you also have to get comfortable that they may die earlier than they would without all these protections (and might die alone and in pain and not be found for a while). I’m always unclear why we are so scared to let people “live their best life” just because they might die. [/quote]

Because if they don't die. Honestly. That's why. If they don't die, the first call is to the people who let them have their independence and now these people are in charge of hospital visits, surgery decisions, rehab, financials, etc. So these people are not so "independent" when push comes to shove. [/quote]

DP.  But that's coming at the end for a lot of people anyway.  Why do extra work with in-home care for difficult people?  Just do it at the end.[/quote]

I’m the poster who said this, and I agree with you. The end will come and then you decide what to do. Some people will do more than others, but you don’t have to enable them every step of the way. Let them live life on their own terms. And you can either take the call and run off to do something… or not. But the call about the broken hip isn’t necessarily going to disappear because you moved them to a senior facility. Maybe it will be less likely, but it can still happen.

If the OP’s mom is going to refuse anxiety meds, refuse to move and refuse a companion, then all OP can do is wait for the emergency phone call and then decide what to do. But arguing about all this and agonizing about it is a waste of emotional bandwidth.

In my case, I have a child for whom I have to do massive caretaking. It is like I have been dealing with a patient with late stage Alzheimer’s for almost 17 years. She cannot communicate, doesn’t know who I am, sometimes screams all day for months on end, we change diapers, feed and bathe her. There truly is only so much you can do. Save your energy for the moments that really matter. Arguing with someone who is competent and isn’t going to do a darn thing you ask is just a waste.[/quote]

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