Reply to Mom chose vacation over childcare with no notice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is our primary childcare for my four kids (7, 5 in Pre-K, 2.5, and 17 months). She watches them most days and some weekends, and yes—we rely on that heavily and prefer it over a nanny or daycare.

She told me the day before that she’s going on a trip this week. Not a heads up, not a discussion—just “I’m leaving.” Now I’m left scrambling to figure out childcare with two working parents and multiple young kids.

I get that she has her own life. I’m not saying she can’t travel. But I do have a problem with her choosing to go on vacation over childcare responsibilities she’s consistently taken on—especially with zero notice. That’s not just inconvenient, it’s completely inconsiderate.

When I said this timing doesn’t work and suggested she plan trips for times we’ve already talked about (like summer), she told me she doesn’t care, she can do what she wants, and that I’m wrong for even questioning it. When I pushed back and said she should have at least planned it differently or given notice, she called me controlling and a disrespectful daughter, and started calling me names.
Its not even just about the trip—it’s the lack of communication and the complete disregard for how much we depend on her.

Curious how others would handle this. Should I expect notice, or should I just assume I always need backup childcare no matter what?[/quote]

How much do you pay her for this childcare?

Surely your work has backup daycare options. [b]Most do. [/b][/quote]

[b]NP no most do not[/b]

But watching 4 kids is a lot for anyone, and more so for someone who is on the older side.

OP, if you are not a troll, I will state the obvious. Yes it is inconvenient and inconsiderate for your mother not give you more notice of her vacation. That being said, it doesn't sound like you are paying her, and it doesn't surprise me that such an arrangement would end up not being super reliable. That being said even paid child care providers get sick or don't take kids that are sick. So you still have to be ready to figure things out when the provider can't watch your kids.[/quote]

Yes, a lot do. It's a common fringe benefit. Check out Bright Horizons, OP.[/quote]

[b]Most[/b] do not[/quote]

It's a common benefit, especially among large firms. Since you're ignorant, I must direct you to refrain from commenting further. Please and thank you. [/quote]

I think the person who thinks that “most” people in America work for “large firms” is the ignorant one.  [/quote]

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