Reply to SIL physically disciplined daughter

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "SIL physically disciplined daughter - advice?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I think we need to get sone perspective on this.

First of all, does your daughter have bruises, welts, any actual injury?  There’s a difference between a light swat and an assault.  No one should injure a child, but I’m assuming if your child had been physically harmed, you would have reported it to authorities instead of polling DCUM, or at the very least you would have mentioned it.

Secondly, we don’t have much context here.  “Crying and didn’t want to come inside” could cover a wide range of behavior with its meaning being anything from sniffles and dragging her feet as she reluctantly complied to a full scale tantrum where she put her own safety, that of the other kids, and/or your SIL at risk, possibly deliberately. Kids can be manipulative and it is quite possible she understated her actions and overstated that of SIL in order to avoid getting in trouble, or to get your SIL in trouble (which intentionally or not, she has apparently accomplished).

I think you have two areas you need to work on for the future:

You need to decide what discipline is acceptable to you and CLEARLY communicate it to anyone you leave your child with.  Tell your SIL (or other caregiver) if you don’t want any physical discipline in the future, and maybe offer to come immediately to pick up your daughter if there’s any misbehavior.  Frankly, I’d suggest working on your daughter’s behavior more at home before you have much social interaction with others, then stay and supervise for a while until you are confident she will be a well-behaved guest.

You also need to have a discussion with your child.  First tell her that she did the right thing to tell you about the spanking and that she should always tell you if anyone hurts her or makes her uncomfortable.  Then you need to have a discussion with her about your expectations of her behavior and what the consequences will be if she misbehaves.  Find out exactly what led up to the spanking, and if she was at fault, tell her that she will have to prove to you she is mature enough to behave appropriately before she will have any more playdates because you won’t inflict her bad behavior on others, much less someone who is trying to do something nice for her.  Also, talk to her about how while rude behavior is unacceptable, unsafe behavior is much worse and misbehavior around a pool is inherently dangerous.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics