Reply to s/o: trusts & large sums of money gifted to both spouses, or just one?

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Reply to "s/o: trusts & large sums of money gifted to both spouses, or just one?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I posted on the other thread about best use of trust fund money. DH & I were married last year. In December, DH's mom told me they still had a wedding present for us but it was taking awhile to pull together. When DH & I visited MIL over the holidays, she told him (when I was not present), that they had made arrangements for a $2 million trust. I am not sure if this is supposed to be our wedding gift or not, but the paper work for it came last week and it is in his name only. I assume it is not our wedding gift, but am not sure and don't think there is a good way to find out. Thus, I feel like DH gets final say on whether we use some of the money for a down payment on a house or not.

In addition, his father gave us about $15k toward a down payment on a house, presented to both of us, but again written out to only DH.

I have wonderful relationships with all of my in-laws, and obviously will not go looking a gift horse in the mouth. I'm feeling a little weird about this being DH's money and not mine, though. He seems to not want to touch any of it. I disagree, and if it were up to me we would use a chunk of it for a down payment on a home, then not touch any of the rest. For now I have not pushed the issue at all, just giving both of us time to digest it, so we have only briefly talked about it. The feeling is difficult to explain -- almost like a sudden power imbalance? (FWIW, my DH is a wonderful man and would involve me in any decisions, but that feeling of him getting the final say is still there).

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe just a place to vent since I would never mention this to my friends or family.

Is it normal for gifts that are intended to be for both spouses to only be written out to one spouse? [/quote]

If you're worried about equality - then here is an easy question for you:   why not just ask your parents to make a similar gift to you - then you'll be equal?   If you can't - maybe you'll appreciate the gift from your inlaws better.  :)  Don't create problems where there aren't any.

FWIW I set up trusts similarly for my daughters.  In short:  I wanted to protect them in the case of divorce.  With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce - it is foreseeable and real possibility with your generation these days.
However - to put it a different way - if we didn't also trust our daughters, and LOVE THEIR SPOUSES - we would probably NOT have given them this gift so early.   So my suggestion is that your inlaws love you too - but if they are over the age of 50 - they might think as my wife and I do too.

Finally - you may not have equal legal control over the money.  So what?  You didn't either with your parents growing up did you?  Yet they shared it with you and provided for your needs....out of love.  Same here with your husband IMO.   Trust him and the relationship you've already built.  You don't control his life and his heart either - he could share those with anyone....but he shares those things with you too - right?  There's no reason to expect that he will suddenly decide NOT to share his money with you too.

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