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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No matter who "she" is, my DS's father always chooses her over him. It's been a pattern since the day he was born. Now that DS is older, it's much more apparent to both DS and I, but I can't get DS to set higher standards for himself. Example- DS has only been on 1 vacation with dad over 15 years. DS has now vacationed twice with new girlfriend in the past 6 months. The first vacation came at the expense of participating in a doctors appointment and Winter break/Christmas, the 2nd vacation came at the expense of easter and supporting DS during AP/SAT prep. DS acknowledged this, but mostly brushed it off. He compartmentalizes a lot. Speaking of, DS has a habit of not putting himself first, speaking up, being the squeaky wheel, setting standards for himself. It's affecting his confidence big time. It kills me to watch this happen in slow motion. We've all read the book and seen the movie ya know? [/quote]

Same. It's never going to change, so accept it and make the best of it.  When my ex moved thousands of miles away, my dad stepped up big time with phone calls, texts, and flying in for sports stuff.  My brother and BIL have also stepped up in small ways, like including DS on a camping trip. Some of his sports coaches and team dads also stepped up.  We basically avoid talking about and drawing attention to his dad's absence, and try to show DS as much love as we can.  [/quote]
That’s nice, but Grandpa and Uncles should also be calling dad out and telling him to start showing up and show responsibility. Pressure from elder men has always been a factor in upholding good communities and families.

Your kids are super lucky that these men have chosen to engage. Many moms don’t have that privilege- such as Grandpa is dead, and in-laws live far away or prefer to ignore the damage their son has done [/quote]

I'm the original poster on this topic.  Grandpa and Uncles (from my side; the former in-laws are totally disengaged) have come to the same conclusion I have: Dad is what he is, and he's never going to change.  I don't need to spell it out here.  A few of the dads on DS's sports team tried to call him out, but that's only because they don't know him well enough.  They apply the standard of a parent who cares, and the concept of moving thousands of miles away from their son is unfathomable.   But that's not who we are dealing with.  His dad is his dad.  I pick up the pieces and lean into family, friends, coaches, whoever.  So many in his life care.  We are privileged in that sense. [/quote]

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