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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know how I became a complainer but somehow it really became my identity. Anxious about everything and laser focused on the slightest thing that seemed unfair. I couldn’t stop venting about everything in life.

In my 20’s, I called a good friend to talk. I said I missed her and she said, “I deliberately haven’t called you. I’m going through a tough time and I’m trying to snap out of it. When I talk to you, you can be so negative and I don’t have the energy to listen.”

Yikes! That totally changed me! 
She was right. Life as an adult also made me realize everyone has problems and people aren’t invested in other people’s issues.

OP your daughter’s negativity is surrounding her. People in her dorm and classes know she’s going to bring them down so they avoid her.

This can be a phase if she chooses to change. But she is going to have to realize nobody is responsible for her happiness except for her. I tell my son who is a college first year to call me to vent and not bother his friends. They don’t want to hear it. It’s my job to be a sounding board. But it can’t be about everything. It’s not excessive so I don’t mind but I definitely reinforce that when there are no major problems in his life, he can choose happiness. 
[/quote]

I am not op but have the same issue. My dd definitely does not complain to other people. She saves it all for dh and me because we feel safe. She's way too self-conscious of how she is with other people to vent to them about anything beyond the usual "this professor is too this or does too much that" commiserating type stuff in which everyone chimes in. As far as realizing she is responsible for her own happiness, I don't think she gets that at all even though we systematically do not tell her what to do and tell her x, y and z are her decision. I honestly am not sure how to handle all of this. I can't refuse to talk to her but I do wait until later and call her back now. She constantly asks what we think about the stupidest things: Should she go to this coffee shop to get a pastry, should she study more or did she study enough. It feels like she is trying to outsource any type of thinking to us and I mind her even asking those questions and telling her like a broken record that she knows what to do and it's her decision.[/quote]

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