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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know if you’re giving unsolicited advice, but it took my mom until my mid 20s to figure out that me complaining about a tough day at school or work wasn’t an invitation to give me a checklist of all the things I should have done or should do to fix the problem. And of course, many of the problems aren’t immediately fixable (like a boss being rude to me one day).

If you tend to try to be a “fixer,” I recommend asking your kid first if they’re looking for support or advice. [/quote]

From the perspective of an anxious fixer: also be mindful not to constantly complain about the same things without trying to find your own solutions. It's extremely frustrating and upsetting to hear this from someone you care so deeply about. [/quote]

Sorry, parents are there to listen. You can share your feeling that it’s hard for you to hear about the same problem repeatedly when your child isn’t making changes, but I would not ask my child to stop coming to me for support. That’s a parent’s job. [/quote]

A parent's job is to support their child until they become adults, at which point the relationship progressively shifts and the young adult's goal is to become independent and resilient and function well in life. Constant complaining (I don't mean never venting obviously) hinders that goal. Your parents are not your servants and a one way street once you are an adult. They are full human beings, and it's a relationship: what you say does affect it, the same way what your parents say affects you.

If you know your mom gets upset by a ton of venting then why not tell your therapist or a friend sometimes instead of constantly calling her just to complain? It's sort of bizarre to not become a bit considerate as an adult. For instance I know my mom tends to worry about health things, so I don't tell her every little thing I do or exam, or I'll share after the fact. And make it a point to share GOOD things too.

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