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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is saying “we can live on less, we can move, etc” but it seems very impulsive and not very strategic. I get that he hates his job but this also feels unfair to me and our children. For whatever reason this job has made him have a mental breakdown of sorts and he is still trying to piece together himself after a really bad year last year.  [/quote]

Do you feel that it is unfair to him that you work part time for very little money while he endures a toxic job?

And the "for whatever reason" makes me think that you haven't really taken the time to try to understand what he's going through. Of course you want him to continue with this job -- you get to work part time at a "jobby" and live comfortably.[/quote]

I don’t feel it’s unfair to him because we agreed many years ago that I would stay home to take care of the children that we had and he would cover the finances. On the flipside, I would do all of the housework, cleaning, kids, schoolwork, planning, yard work, social obligations, holiday planning, taxes, finances, etc.. and there were times when my job was a lot harder than his. We had several children very close in age, and it sucked. I didn’t sleep for several years, and I never once asked him to get up in the night.
Our children are all still home with us and while they’re in school full-time, they still need us. He doesn’t see that. 
I am very sad that his job has been hard the last few years and that it has brought him down. I personally think he needs medication, but he will not try that. I also suggested therapy. When my life was hard, I did not turn into drinking, I tried to do what I needed to do to get things done in a positive manner.
I am happy to work more and try to make more money, but because I’ve been out of work for so long, and because my career path is not a lucrative one (think nurse or teacher), I could never make up the difference by getting a full-time job. [/quote]

Let me start by saying that I understand the set up you two have. I am a single earner and my wife has been a SAHM for 17 years. I think that the work of a SAHP is very important, and that have a SAHP is great for kids.

I will also say that I have had some very toxic jobs over the years and have bounced around a bit. My wife 100% cared deeply for my mental health and happiness and supported me when I left the private sector for a govt job that drastically cut pay (similar to what you are proposing). She also supported me when I came back into the private sector because I understood that I needed to make more money and needed a more dynamic job. That support has meant everything to me, and for what it's worth, I have for years now made high six figures/low seven figures, and we are obviously quite comfortable. In addition to the moral support, she is also committed to living below our means so that there is always an exit when/if things get crazy again. This support has meant everything to me, and I think I have repaid that with good financial decisions.

I will say, if your husband is a lawyer at a firm, the stress and toxicity of the job can be incredibly high and hard to imagine. This is especially true if you've spent your adult life barely working, and especially so at a low stress job. There is a reason that high stress jobs have really high incidence of mental health issues, including alcoholism. Frankly, it sounds like you just don't understand the stress, and that can be incredibly lonely. [/quote]

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